i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you win again, gameday.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
