What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
