Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
