Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
