shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
