I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
