take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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