i wish starbucks made bloody marys
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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