We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I understand Curling. That high.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
