It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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