i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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