He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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