Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
