America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
