I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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