That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
