You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
