pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I need moral support for this bender
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize