New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
