I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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