ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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