So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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