Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
