then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
