dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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