I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
