dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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