know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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