On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
