I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
