Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
