No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
