Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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