The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize