yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
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If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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