you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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