I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Randomize
