So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
