what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
