We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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