she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
