this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
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You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
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