Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
