Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
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Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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