Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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