Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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