just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize