he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
