yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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