I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
