I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
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I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
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Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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