i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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