i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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