i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.