I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.