When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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