ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
