She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
