Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I skipped work to stalk him.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
