Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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