I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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