He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
