Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
