Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
