She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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