Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
