that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
