I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
