Michael Bay diarrhea
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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