they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
