We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
