I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Are we still banned from the library?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
