I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
